Here is a conversation on this topic between my brother Jeff, me, and my cousin Andy:
Jeff: So who’s your candidate that has a chance of winning the nomination and the presidency? The pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-gun control, adulterous New Yorker? The Massachusetts Mormon that evangelical Christians say they can’t vote for because he belongs to a demonic sect? The miracle doctor/Senator who can diagnose comatose patients with only a brief review of a videotape? The son of the football coach who spent his high school days in LA ostentatiously waving the Confederate flag and displayed a Confederate flag and a hangman’s noose in his office until he decided to get serious about politics? The Kansas born-again who believes legalized abortion is equivalent to the Holocaust? The ex-Speaker of the House who became so unpopular that Democrats cried when he left the House and they couldn’t demonize Republican candidates anymore by showing them in pictures next to him? Or Condi?
Nick: My personal favorite is the pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-gun control, adulterous New Yorker, but I also kind of like the Massachusetts Mormon that evangelical Christians say they can’t vote for because he belongs to a demonic sect. I love listening to the ex-Speaker of the House who became so unpopular that Democrats cried when he left the House and they couldn’t demonize Republican candidates anymore by showing them in pictures next to him, but I don’t want him to be President. And of course I love Condi, but I don’t think she’s running.
Andy: Since I have been deluged with requests for my presidential picks, here they are, more or less but not necessarily in order of preference…
1. The gay-loving, fetus-hating, Second-Amendment-bashing, first-wife-abusing adulterous New Yorker.
2. The demonic Massachusetts Mormon, despite rumors that he favors a constitutional amendment allowing marriage between a man and many, many women. A fine idea, but not worth cluttering up our sacred document.
3. The terrible-tempered sanctimonious former heroic war prisoner, so generally beloved by the MSM till he started making nice to Jerry Falwell but whom I’ve never much liked myself.
4. Our charming Secretary of State, despite suspicions that she’s a lightweight, which may, to be fair, stem from lingering chauvinism on my part, or ingrained prejudice against persons of color.
5. The Confederate-flag-waving, hangman-emulating scion of football legend, if he gets past the turncoat.
6. The cruelly denigrated former Speaker of the House, who increasingly seems to thrive on a diet of hot air.
7. The compassionate humanitarian and long-distance diagnostician who skillfully pilots the Grand Old Party through the shoals of the Senate.
8. The born-again Kansan who understands so well that abortion leads to Auschwitz.
9. The departing Governor of our own Empire State, if he had a prayer.
I would, of course, vote for any of the above over any conceivable Democrat. But in most cases that says more about my prejudices than admiration for their merits.